Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
