this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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