Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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