you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm just crazy horny about you
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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