Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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