i wish there were pregnant emoticons
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
