so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
