I have demons in me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
