My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
