I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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