How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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