I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
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He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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