if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
