I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
