Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
3pm strippers are depressing
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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