i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
