is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
