I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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