I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
