Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
