remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My first STD was from a foam party
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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