At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
