i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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