I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
