dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
