she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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