she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
