if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
