The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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