He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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