just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just high enough for therapy.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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