I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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