Christians are straight up FREAKS
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
