It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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