I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
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Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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