I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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