Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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