dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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