let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
