I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize