Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
