he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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