Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
