please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
