Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
