"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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