1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
