her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
