just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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