I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
