So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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