If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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