Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
