The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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