You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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