New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
