Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
it was like eating out sand paper
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
