Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize