There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
