dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
