I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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