I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
