and you said cock pushups were impossible
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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