Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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