please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So squirting runs in the family.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
