i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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