The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
