You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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