You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
