either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
