just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
high people should be assigned attendants
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
