He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
